In our lives every day we wish for something, our needs are endless. When we are small we begin with chocolates, toys and gifts and when we grow up the list becomes complicated and demanding.

All of us at some point of time would have got what we prayed for and would have been very happy and on the other hand sometimes we wouldn’t have got what we prayed for and cried for few days and would still be happy after a few days. But what if God gave you what you prayed for but took it back. Would you blame God and stop asking him?

Well when I decided to pen downs this writing, there were a series of thoughts that ran in my mind and I finally mastered the courage to say whatever God did was for good and his plans are better than my ideas.

Even after 2 years of my marriage, though I prayed unceasingly, I was not blessed with a child.  Every month I remember anticipating and feeling disappointed. Everyone was praying for us. I had asked all the prayer warriors to pray for me. I started novena, I prayed everyday with tears and finally after 6 months God answered my prayers and he placed a little one in my womb. My joy knew no bounds it was amazing, he had given me what I had needed the most and like usual it was the end of the story.

Little did I realize it was just the beginning, when all were preparing for the arrival of our little one just exactly after 3 months 20 days into my pregnancy God called my little one back and he joined the heavenly abode. My world collapsed and so did everyone’s who were waiting for this little one. After which there was a lot of tears, frustration and depression.  Everyone I met asked me just one question, why did God do this to you?

I wondered why God had chosen me to go through this, because I wanted a baby so much. I would love it, cherish it and take care of it. While contemplating the whole issues I realized this biggest disappointment of my life had paved way for a lifelong appointment with God. I had learned some valuable lessons for life after my miscarriage which otherwise I would have never learnt.

• God is supreme and no one can go against him. Even though I took complete care and showed best doctor eventually what was bound to happen happened and nothing was in our hand.
• Give God first place. I realized after I conceived my prayer time reduced, I began to spend more time thinking about the little one in my womb rather than God who had given me the gift. No matter what you have or what you get I realized God must and should be first.
• Power of Acceptance, it taught me how to move on even after losing the most precious thing in my life. Today I really don’t mind if I would lose my job, my money or friends. Because the incident made me strong enough to accept that let anything happen to me. I will not be panic because God is in control.
• I learnt to pray. Till date I had set a timeline to God. I want this within this year, I want that within next year but the incident taught me to ask God and leave the rest in his hands. Today I still pray for a kid but the only difference is I do not accept results on my time but God’s time.
• We grew close as a couple. After marriage though we had our own share of ups and downs after this incident we grew exceptionally close. We had always shared our smiles but after losing our little one we had shared our tears, wiped it for each other and grown strong together.
• I realized the importance of people around me. So long I had taken few relationships for granted but after the incident I realized the true value of people around me. Today I have learnt to care more and appreciate their presence in my life.
• I truly understood the pain of losing someone. All along a death would not affect me much but after parting from my unborn child I began to realize the pain of those mothers who lose their children not only in death but also due to bad habits, addictions and bad company. I took a bigger step towards being empathetic.
• I learnt to be positive, rather than crying that my unborn baby was taken away. I began to thank God for giving me the opportunity to shelter the little one in my womb at least for few days.
• Finally I learnt to trust God blindly realizing that nothing was in my hand and he was my potter and I his clay.

Each of us have gone through some bitter events in life but maybe we have failed to realize that behind these disappointments there are truckloads of God’s blessing. The strength we get to overcome the pain itself is the greatest gift of God. Let us not forget if the almighty is taking something away from you it is just to give you something much bigger and better. Let no storms of life destroy you because we have the divine providence and the helping hand of God forever and allow him to work his plans in your life because they are the best and one which we need most.

Sonal Lobo